#MentalHealth Myth Two: "If I have emotional problems, that means there is something wrong with me."

Experience gained from my 30+ years practice in cognitive-behavioral psychology shows that, when given the right tools, people readily learn to elevate and maintain emotional health and happiness.

At the Think Right Feel Right Blogoscope you will find the behavioral tools and techniques that help to ward off #anxiety, depression and addiction.  You will learn about ways to defeat troubling emotions such as anger, worry and sadness.  You will also find practical self-help strategies for increasing self-esteem, positivity and for being a happier you. 

Myths and misunderstandings about  mental health and emotional well-being abound.  We think we can change, or we doubt real change is possible. We hear that #happiness is attainable; then we hear that it is limited by our "setpoint."  We are told that mental health may be largely genetic.  We are left thinking that our emotions and behavior patterns are indelible, fixed patterns like some personality traits.  We burden ourselves with the shame that our emotional problems are somehow our fault.  We are embarrassed by emotional problems and avoid talking about them.  If we have"issues," we see ourselves as being different from others.  We try to fix ourselves with talk therapy.  We go the medication route.  We ignore emotional problems and our cup rarely gets above half full.  Change is too difficult, too little, impossible.  Just give me some drugs.  No medication for me, medication just hides the problem.


We pay a big price because of the myths and misconceptions about happiness and emotional health.  For those willing to try, a lot of time and money are spent on the journey.  Too often, the journey is long, the road signs vague, and success limited.  Others avoid the journey altogether, staying stuck in their struggles over a lifetime.  We can indeed learn how to possess good mental health, but first we must cut through the jumble of misconceptions that stand in the way.

Myth two: "If I have emotional problems, that means there is something wrong with me."  Not so quick.  Maybe we are not very good at bowling or chess either.  Should we conclude that there is something wrong with us?  As I mentioned previously, most of us learn very little about mental health or the best ways to improve it.  So it should come as no surprise that we may have "issues."  We are not taught the "emotional A game," so to speak.  But should we all line up for psychiatric intervention, or can we simply learn what's necessary to feel well. How sad and wrong-headed it is that we continue to stigmatize people with mental health issues and vastly overplay the idea that they have medical disorders. 

Emotional proficiency requires skill.  For example, the ability to reliably regulate thoughts and emotions and posess intrinsic #SelfEsteem. Recognize that those who taught us probably were not experts in such matters, so we often lack these skills.   In the meanwhile, we need to lighten up. Stop making ourselves  feel bad if we are not bowling or behavioral health experts.  If your emotional expertise isn't all that great, you share company with most people.  More important, If you would like to improve your emotional well-being (and most would benefit by doing so), you can ... and no, it's really not difficult.  More on this last point next time. Stay with #ThinkRightFeelRight.Net

#MentalHealth Myth One: "It's not something I can change, I have tried before."

Sadly, our notions about whether we can actually change who we are, about how much lasting change is possible, and about the best ways to improve mental health are all over the map.  We are exposed to widely divergent theories and persistent misconceptions about mental health. Far too often, the focus is on diagnosis and treatment of mental problems rather than methods that actually improve mental health.   Small wonder that the path to better mental health and happiness is so clouded and uncertain.

We think we can change, or we doubt real change is possible. We hear that #happiness is attainable; then we hear that it is limited to our "setpoint."  We are told that mental health may be largely genetic.  We are left thinking that our emotions and behavior patterns are indelible, fixed patterns like some personality traits.  We burden ourselves with the thought and shame that our emotional problems are the result of some deficiency in us that we are responsible for. We are embarrassed by our emotional problems and prefer not to even talk about them. We look upon ourselves as different if we have "issues."  We try to fix ourselves with talk therapy.  We go the medication route.  We ignore emotional problems and our cup never gets above half full.  Change is too difficult, too little, too impossible. Just give me some drugs. Drugs just hide the problem, I don't want any.

We pay a big price because of the myths and misconceptions about mental health. For those willing to try, a lot of time and money is spent on the journey.  Too often, the journey is long, the road signs vague, and success limited.  Others avoid the journey altogether; they stay stuck in their struggles and #happiness is forestalled over a lifetime.  We can indeed learn how to possess good mental health, but first we must cut through the jumble of misconceptions that stand in the way.

Myth One: "It's not something I can change, I have tried before."  Not so.   We are unlikely to have success doing something until we acquire the necessary skills. Most of us learn very little about mental health or how to improve it. So, when we try to improve in this area and don't succeed, we may mistakenly conclude that we can't change.  Actually, we can change, we can improve happiness and mental health, when we take the opportunity to learn how. Stay tuned for more #self-help strategies at #ThinkRightFeelRight

Do You Believe You Can Really Change Who You Are?

So, do you think you can really change yourself?   A very important question since how we answer it determines the outcome.  A prerequisite for successful behavior change is the belief that we can change, or at least the willingness to try.

Some think they can change, some think they can't, and some are on the fence about it.  Unfortunately, those who stay anchored to the belief that they really can't change are pretty much stuck with the default settings they have for what they think, how they feel, and how they function. Too often, these default settings are far from good enough.

Perhaps there are a few people whose blessed lives leave little need for improvement. Lucky for them I suppose, but there are so many more whose lives would vastly improve if  they were open and able to change.  Addictions, depression, anxieties, insecurities could be put behind them; the comforts of self-esteem, genuine peace of mind and happiness made part of everyday life.

There is a very fundamental reason why so many struggle emotionally, but don't change:  The reason is that we are not taught how to change behavior proficiently, especially emotional behavior. So, if we are unable to experience well-being and happiness, chances are we never learned how to because we were never taught.  Ask yourself, did your schooling include any courses (even one) on mental or emotional health?  Most important, did you learn how to regulate your thoughts and emotions so you could control the way you feel?  My sense is that many people are not even aware that this is possible.  Were they hoping we would learn this stuff by the seat of our pants?

I found I couldn't even swing a tennis racket very well until I took some tennis lessons.  Certainly mental health is no gimme; it is not something we are born with, and  it is not something that just develops on its own.  Since what we learn and don't learn decisively affects our capacity to be well emotionally, educational programs need to be in the business of instilling behavior competencies that build emotional health.  How sad it is that we still do not have a standardized curriculum for mental health in our classrooms.  Like tennis and so much more in life, we can't be very good at these things without the opportunity to develop the necessary skills..

If we struggle, but are fearful about change, we resist it.  But once we learn how to go about it, changing becomes relatively easy, a valued asset rather than something to fear. We are then able to use this knowledge to optimize and maintain emotional adjustment and well-being.  In future posts, I intend to sort through and demolish, one by one,  the erroneous notions and beliefs that keep us from realizing growth and happiness. Stay tuned for more practical  #self-help at #ThinkRightFeelRight

It Pays To Be Mindful About What You Think!

A point from my last post bears repeating: "Over a lifetime, the impact of some mental scripts on our emotional health and well-being can be telling and dramatic: lives haunted by mindsets generative of anxiety, depression and addiction or lives enriched by self-awareness and fertile for positivity and prosperity."

For many, but especially for women, commonplace scripts about how they should think and  behave overtax physical and emotional health, causing stress, health issues, bouts of depression and anxiety, and reduced quality of life.

These troublesome thought patterns are difficult to detect.  Our thoughts become so routine that they go unnoticed   Even if we become aware, we may view this thinking as  "normal" because it seems like the norm in the world around us. To avoid their life long tolls however, we need to root out the toxic scripts that vanquish us.  

Here are a few of the troublemakers:

Example 1: "I feel I must be a very good wife, mother, mother-in-law, daughter, daughter-in-law, partner, friend, worker, churchgoer, housekeeper, gardener, and did I mention, slim and trim?" You get the idea, I have to be good at everything, or I'm not good enough. 

The script has lots of variations, but the end result is the same: a life snared in pressure-driven overfunctioning to always be good enough.  Where did I come by the idea that I have to be so good at everything I do to feel good about myself?  More important, isn't there a better way for me?

Example 2  "I guess I am pretty hard on myself, but I have always been this way.  Aren't most people? Big trouble here. This kind of thinking not only strips away the well from well-being, it fuels self-alienation and insecurity whenever we come up a little short.  Resilience and self-esteem really suffer when we come down or ourselves. Take note that people who battle addiction and depression are known to be especially hard on themselves.  Being tough on ourselves is an option, not a requirement. We can choose other ways to accept or improve upon our limitations that don't jeopardize well-being.

Example 3.  "It really bothers me that she acted like that, but I really don't like to hurt someone's feelings, so I didn't say anything."  Yes, it is nice to be nice, but silencing ourselves to avoid trouble often causes more trouble.  We internalize our problems rather than deal with them.  Problems and resentments pile up. Scripts that muffle our voice also muffle happiness.  Assertiveness is a life skill well worth cultivating. 

Choose to follow scripts that safeguard your emotional health. We don't have to be perfect all the time; we don't have to be so hard on ourselves, and nice does not have to include forfeiting our voice.  Remember to stay tuned to #ThinkRightFeelRight for more useful #self-help

Mindsets: The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly

My last post talked about "reality" and some of our views on it.  I cautioned, "look before you leap" when it comes to settling in on viewpoints about life.  Our acquired mindsets about life carry with them potential for great benefit as well as cost.

Our mindsets are composed of  various notions (beliefs and ideas) that we have acquired over time. Some of these ideas were formed at home or in school while we were growing up; some the product of further education, as well as various cultural, institutional and societal influences.

Much of the content of what we think is the end product of where we were born, how we were raised, and the experience we did and did not have.  Ideas get into our heads by design and default, for better and for worse, often staying with us and influencing our feelings and reactions over a lifetime.

Many things about who we are, both large and small, may be hinged to the winds of circumstance: whether I am Republican or Democrat; liberal, or conservative; devoutly religious, spiritual, neither; optimistic or pessimistic; nuts about sweet potatoes or maybe nuts in general!

The scripts in our mind govern and influence much of what we do and feel, regardless of how they got there or whether they help or hinder.  They allow us to assert, or keep us from asserting. They enable us to be happy or keep us from it.

Scripts matter.  Optimists rarely experience bad days, pessimists seldom have good ones.  For some, being "right" about an issue trumps being respectful; for others, being respectful comes first. Romantics endorse scripts that adorn reality; Realists strip it down.  Some are reflexively "hard" on themselves, others not so much.

Over a lifetime, the impact of these acquired scripts on our emotional health and well-being can be telling and dramatic: lives haunted by mindsets generative of anxiety, depression and addiction or lives enriched by self-awareness and fertile for positivity and prosperity.

The default settings for our mindset need to be examined and adjusted from time to time.  Sort and sift through the scripts; delete notions and viewpoints which impede happiness and prosperity, and add those which better yours and others. Take an active role in shaping and directing the realities you elect to endorse in your world so they help maximize prosperity and well-being.  Remember to stay tuned to #ThinkRightFeelRight for more useful #self-help