Why Our Relationships Are Failing: #Brexit and Beyond

Why are so many of our important #relationships faltering?  We keep hearing about spouses and partners in "committed" relationships who become disenchanted with each other and pull up stakes. We see other troubling parallels. Our elected officials generally ignore the views of the other party. They stubbornly advocate their party line doctrines no matter what the costs and no matter what the "other side" wants.  Elected officials can't split up the way couples do, so they just go on fighting and ignoring one another.  Good working relationships across the aisle are in steep decline,

The news cycle gives us 24 hour reminders that important political relationships are in turmoil, here and around the world. Witness #Brexit, Great Britain's decision to sever ties with the European Union. Will others follow suit?  Is the European Union about to unravel?  The Middle East is coming apart at the seams.  And what about the troubles brewing right here in this election cycle?  Everyone casting aspersions.  Donald Trump threatening to sever his relationship with the Republican party if he doesn't get his way.  Relations within and between political parties have reached an all time, unsavory low.  We say we want unity, but we pounce upon whatever gets in our way. We are becoming more divisive and divided.

Chief among the reasons why our relationships are falling apart is our increasing reluctance to listen to or care about concerns beyond our own.  We find it easy to see what is really important to us, but difficult to see things the way others do.  Too often, our point of view trumps theirs.  We dismiss what they are saying because it does not fit our agenda, with what we want.

We are slow to see that their viewpoints are as important to them as ours are to us.  Undervaluing the concerns of others drives others away and dooms our relationships with them.  Axiomatic, inflexible thinking about complex geopolitical issues, immigration, abortion, gun control, and so much more creates conflict and impasse.  This is the thinking that fractures relationships and coalitions that make balanced and viable solutions possible.

When we dismiss others, they dismiss us.  Instead of furthering the common good through collaboration, we stimulate contempt and alienation from others by shrugging off their interests. Effective partnerships between and among people and nations are essential and  must be grounded in mutual respect. There is always more than one viewpoint on what is right or important besides our own.

Our job is to understand "the other side" and search for common ground.  Denouncing the perspectives of others and walking away from our agreements with them, while doubling down on the legitimacy of our own views, spawns the dissolution of relationships near and far.  Increasing globalization and the pressing need to build greater stability in our world demand that we all improve our skills at #listening to and caring about what each other has to say. 

Experience gained from my 30+ years practice in cognitive-behavioral psychology shows that, when given the right tools, people readily learn to elevate and maintain emotional health and happiness.  At the Think Right Feel Right Blogoscope you will find the behavioral tools and techniques that help to ward off #anxiety, depression and addiction.  You will learn about ways to defeat troubling emotions such as anger, worry and sadness.  You will also find practical #self-help strategies for increasing self-esteem, positivity and for being a happier you. 

#MentalHealth Myth Five: Just take medication

Experience gained from my 30+ years practice in cognitive-behavioral psychology shows that, when given the right tools, people readily learn to elevate and maintain emotional health and happiness.

At the Think Right Feel Right Blogoscope you will find the behavioral tools and techniques that help to ward off #anxiety, depression and addiction.  You will learn about ways to defeat troubling emotions such as anger, worry and sadness.  You will also find practical #self-help strategies for increasing self-esteem, positivity and for being a happier you. 

Myths and misunderstandings about  mental health and emotional well-being abound.  We think we can change, or we doubt real change is possible. We hear that #happiness is attainable; then we hear that it is limited by our "setpoint." 

We are told that mental health may be largely genetic and are left thinking that our emotions and behavior patterns are indelible patterns, like fixed personality traits.  We burden ourselves with the shame that these problems are somehow our fault.  We are embarrassed by emotional problems and avoid talking about them.  

If we have "issues," we see ourselves as being different from others. We try to fix ourselves with talk therapy.  We go the medication route.  Or we ignore emotional problems and our cup rarely gets above half full.  Change is too difficult, too little, impossible.  Just give me some drugs.  No medication for me thank you, medication only hides the problem.

We pay a big price because of the myths and misconceptions about happiness and emotional health.  Those who are willing to search for greater fulfillment often expend considerable time and money on the journey.  Too often, their journey is long, the road signs vague, and success limited.  Others avoid the journey altogether, staying stuck in their struggles over a lifetime. We can indeed learn how to possess good mental health, but first we must cut through the jumble of misconceptions that stand in the way.

#MentalHealth Myth Five: Just take medication.  Medication may help, but we really do need to take a careful look before we leap.  As noted in the previous blog, there is a lot more to good mental health that medication can not and will not ever fix.  

To be mentally well, we must have or acquire essential behavioral skills that engender mental health.  These skills include the ability to regulate thought and emotion, to maintain self-esteem and self-care, to promote positive mood states, and to sustain these and other adaptive behaviors over time.  The capacity to limit emotional distress, attentiveness to self-nurturance, heightened resilience and increased well-being are key indicators of good mental health. 

Pills may relieve certain symptoms, but they won't educate us. Medication will never give us the skills we need to attain good emotional health. This is precisely why current trends in healthcare, trends that promote and over rely on pharmacological and symptom-focused interventions as their fix for mental health problems, so frequently miss their mark.  

We need better answers. We need answers that fundamentally improve our ability to be healthier and happier, not ones that may only mask our problems.  In this regard, making cutting-edge, evidence-based instruction on mental health and wellness part of the regular curriculum in our schools would be a huge step forward.  For more on these topics, be sure to follow #ThinkRightFeelRight

Myth Four: Good #Mental Health equals the absence of disturbing symptoms such as anxiety, depression, and addiction.

Experience gained from my 30+ years practice in cognitive-behavioral psychology shows that, when given the right tools, people readily learn to elevate and maintain emotional health and happiness.

At the Think Right Feel Right Blogoscope you will find the behavioral tools and techniques that help to ward off #anxiety, depression and addiction.  You will learn about ways to defeat troubling emotions such as anger, worry and sadness.  You will also find practical #self-help strategies for increasing self-esteem, positivity and for being a happier you. 

Myths and misunderstandings about  mental health and emotional well-being abound.  We think we can change, or we doubt real change is possible. We hear that #happiness is attainable; then we hear that it is limited by our "setpoint." 

We are told that mental health may be largely genetic and are left thinking that our emotions and behavior patterns are indelible patterns, like fixed personality traits.  We burden ourselves with the shame that these problems are somehow our fault.  We are embarrassed by emotional problems and avoid talking about them.  

If we have "issues," we see ourselves as being different from others. We try to fix ourselves with talk therapy.  We go the medication route.  We ignore emotional problems and our cup rarely gets above half full.  Change is too difficult, too little, impossible.  Just give me some drugs.  No medication for me thank you, medication only hides the problem.

We pay a big price because of the myths and misconceptions about happiness and emotional health.  Those who are willing to search for greater fulfillment often expend considerable time and money on the journey.  Too often, their journey is long, the road signs vague, and success limited.  Others avoid the journey altogether, staying stuck in their struggles over a lifetime. We can indeed learn how to possess good mental health, but first we must cut through the jumble of misconceptions that stand in the way.

Myth Four: Good #Mental Health equals the absence of disturbing symptoms such as #anxiety, depression,  and #addiction.  Not really.  Mental health is not simply the absence of mental disorders or psychological symptoms.  Mental Health is something much more.  Being mentally well involves gaining key behavioral skills including the ability to regulate thought and emotion, maintain self-esteem and self-care, promote positive mood states, and sustain other adaptive behavior over time. Reduced emotional disturbance, attentiveness to self-nurturance, resilience and increased well-being are some of the affirmative indications of good mental health.  Stay tuned to #ThinkRightFeelRight for practical #self-help.

#MentalHealth Myth Three: "Emotional change is hard."

Experience gained from my 30+ years practice in cognitive-behavioral psychology shows that, when given the right tools, people readily learn to elevate and maintain emotional health and happiness.

At the Think Right Feel Right Blogoscope you will find the behavioral tools and techniques that help to ward off #anxiety, depression and addiction.  You will learn about ways to defeat troubling emotions such as anger, worry and sadness.  You will also find practical #self-help strategies for increasing self-esteem, positivity and for being a happier you. 

Myths and misunderstandings about  mental health and emotional well-being abound.  We think we can change, or we doubt real change is possible. We hear that #happiness is attainable; then we hear that it is limited by our "setpoint."  We are told that mental health may be largely genetic.  We are left thinking that our emotions and behavior patterns are indelible, fixed patterns like some personality traits.  We burden ourselves with the shame that our emotional problems are somehow our fault.  We are embarrassed by emotional problems and avoid talking about them.  If we have"issues," we see ourselves as being different from others.  We try to fix ourselves with talk therapy.  We go the medication route.  We ignore emotional problems and remain with our cup half full.  Change is too difficult, too little, impossible.  Just give me some drugs.  No medication for me, medication just hides the problem.

We pay a big price because of the myths and misconceptions about happiness and emotional health.  For those willing to try to improve how they feel, a lot of time and money is spent on the journey.  Too often, the journey is long, the road signs vague, and success limited.  Others avoid the journey altogether, staying stuck in their struggles over a lifetime.  We can indeed learn how to possess good mental health, but first we must cut through the jumble of misconceptions that stand in the way.

Myth Three: "Seems like it will be really hard to change myself"  Almost everyone I work with has this idea somewhere in the back of their head.  Alright, I suppose that change does look difficult when we are taught so little about how to change our emotions and behavior.  But trust me, once we find out how to do it, change is not that difficult. Change allows us to open the door to emotional fulfillment; avoiding change keeps this door locked.  More to follow here, but in the interim, #ThinkRightFeelRight