Sunday, December 20, 2015

Tools For Managing Your #Emotions, #Mental Health , & #Happiness: Dodging Emotional Rabbit Holes

OK, so what is an emotional rabbit-hole?  Although they can be difficult to describe or see ahead of time, you can usually tell if you are in one!  Here are some examples:  You find yourself in a prolonged state of conflict, worry, resentment, shame, depression, anger, hurt or other emotional upset.  You feel disturbed; not a little bit, but a lot. You don't want to feel this way, but you do,  and you can't seem to pull yourself out of it.  Emotional rabbit-holes steal happiness. 

We have all been there.  We have gotten stuck over some situation: an indignity, a rejection, a loss,  a mistake we made.  We have become quite angry; sad, or hurt about something;  or maybe we feel like a failure. We keep circling around in our negative thoughts and troubled feelings that we can't seem to chase away.  We are stuck in an emotional rabbit-hole.

When we find ourselves in an emotional rabbit-hole, it is difficult to sort and sooth feelings. Feeling bad is taken as proof that our troubles are justified,  "If I feel so bad, it is bad." Trapped in this circular reasoning, we are unable to work our way out to regain well-being. We must see what causes emotional rabbit-holes to avoid them.  Every emotion starts with an occasioning event or trigger, then we think about it, and what we think produces the emotional reaction.   Our thought ... positive, negative,  or neutral ... determines how we will feel emotionally.  In the case of emotional rabbit-holes,  the thought is always negative. Persistent negative thought is all that is needed to get stuck in an emotional rabbit-hole. 

What can you do?  First, take note of how you feel.  Notice when you are stuck in negative feelings. Second, remind yourself that you have these negative feelings because you are thinking about a situation in an emotionally troubling  way. You continue to replay thoughts which cause you to feel upset and stay stuck there.  Since you aren't getting paid by the hour to make yourself feel bad, decide to put a halt to trouble-making thoughts promptly. Resolve to think about your situation in a different way that quiets and quells disturbance. Take charge of your thinking, and you will master emotional-rabbit holes.   

With my new CBT self-help guide, Think Right, Feel Right, you can develop these and other emotional tools my clients acquire to optimize emotional health and happiness.

Sunday, November 22, 2015

Tools and Techniques for #Mental Health: Manage #Worry and #Anxiety about Terrorism

The upsurge of global terrorism, underscored most recently by the horrific acts of terror in France and then here in San Bernadino just last week, not only evokes our sadness and compassion, but also our fears and anxieties.  Unending and alarming news coverage about these events reminds us again and again that the world we live in can be a scary and dangerous place.  Terrorism, and our relentless absorption in its aftermath, worsen anxiety.

No doubt many are feeling vulnerable and anxious right now. We naturally become aroused and wary when we sense danger.  Feeling anxious in times like these is certainly understandable.  However, we do not want to stay stuck there.  Anxiety is a mobilizing state of alarm, it is not a state to stay in. 

Uncertainty fuels anxiety and, there are many things about our physical world that are uncertain: bounty, scarcity, health, illness, political stability, life, death, to name a few.  As much as we might wish otherwise, we have limited control over many of life's vagaries.  While we seek to make tomorrow a safe and better place, we  live and move forward in a world that presents us with uncertainty about health, financial security, droughts, hurricanes, and now, terrorism. 

The key point for you is this:  At best, you have limited control over the uncertainty in the world around you.  However, and importantly, you absolutely can control your uncertain thinking about it.  When you dwell on risk and uncertainty, you cause anxiety.  When you halt this worrisome, "what if" thinking, you stop it.

To get an even better grip on terrorism anxiety, remind yourself that your chances of actually being the victim of a terrorist attack are extremely low, less than your chances of being struck by lightning.  Aimless worry over terror is useless.  Take reasonable precautions, but also take charge over the real culprit behind worry and anxiety:  eliminate counterproductive, "what-if," thinking about life's uncertainties.

With my new CBT self-help guide, Think Right, Feel Right, you can develop these and other emotional tools my clients acquire to optimize emotional health and happiness.



Thursday, November 19, 2015

Paradoxical Avoidance Behavior In Overly #Anxious People ... The Why Of It.

In the last blog, I noted:  "The real culprit behind anxiety is the learned, but faulty, "what if" thinking that evokes anxiousness.  For example, "what if the doctor gives me bad news...that would be terrible" or "what if the elevator stops working...I could get stuck in there forever," etc.  Instead of correcting the common, but faulty and disturbing what if thought, an anxious person wrongly seeks to avoid the situation. This behavior only serves to worsen anxiousness."

    Let's look more closely at  two very different patterns of avoidance behavior (I term these patterns paradoxical avoidance). One anxious person attempts to lessen anxieties about illness by totally avoiding doctor's offices while another does so by repeatedly scheduling visits to the doctor's. Although they are going about it in very different ways, paradoxically they both want to avoid the exact same thing.  They both want to avoid the anxious feelings that result from their overly anxious thinking.  Unfortunately for them, neither way works.

Tuesday, November 17, 2015

Two Problem Behaviors Linked To #Worry and #Anxiety

     Most recently, I focused in on two very prominent behavioral patterns that are highly associated with worry and anxiety, viz., avoidance and "what if" thinking.  Anxious people are prone to avoid situations they incorrectly perceive as causes of their anxiety.  They may avoid making doctors appointments,  taking the elevator, flying on planes, crowded rooms, small spaces...whatever they think "makes them anxious."  Although they may get temporary relief from avoidance behavior, the relief actually strengthens (reinforces) the avoidance and the underlying faulty reasoning, making the problem worse,  Meanwhile, avoidance does absolutely nothing to correct the faulty thinking that makes an anxious person worry and feel anxious.

     The real culprit behind anxiety is the learned, but faulty,  "what if" thinking that evokes anxiousness.  For example, "what if the doctor gives me bad news...that would be terrible" or "what if the elevator stops working...I could get stuck in there forever," etc.  Instead of correcting the common, but faulty and disturbing what if thought, an anxious person wrongly seeks to avoid the situation. This behavior only serves to worsen anxiousness.

     Please stay tuned because we will go over how to replace these incorrect behavioral patterns with behavior that promotes well-being and mental health rather than robbing us of it.  You can also find out more about this topic as well as many others  in my new guide or by viewing my broadcasts on on Periscope and You Tube You can. 

Monday, November 16, 2015

NOW ON YOU TUBE: "TWO KEY TIPS FOR DEALING WITH WORRY AND ANXIETY"

I rebroadcasted my Periscope on dealing with anxiety and worry this evening,  If you missed it, you can find it on You Tube under the title: "Two key tips for dealing with worry and anxiety." Come check it out and strengthen your emotional "A game."

Sunday, November 15, 2015

Kindly join me today on Periscope@FeelRightDoc where I will be highlighting two key strategies for managing worry and anxiety. Feel free to share this invitation with your friends, too. You can also find many other tools and techniques for improving emotional health in my new guide.

Friday, November 13, 2015

I  post my Periscope presentations covering tools and techniques for emotional health and well-being on You Tube. Now you can view them even if you missed seeing them on Periscope.  

Thursday, November 12, 2015

#HAPPINESS TRAPS PART 2

A previous discussion on Periscope was entitled, "Happiness Traps Part 2."  This scope focused on two real case examples (identities changed) of individuals whose over reliance on happiness traps clearly failed to sustain both their happiness and their emotional health.  My work has shown that many of our commonplace notions about what to do to feel happier turn out to be emotional traps rather than real solutions. I hope you will check out yesterday's periscope video as well as the first one, "Happiness Traps," Both are posted on You Tube. You can also find more tools and techniques for mental health in my new self-help guide, Think Right, Feel Right

Monday, November 9, 2015

#CBT For #MentalHealth: #HAPPINESS TRAPS, PART 1

I coined the term "happiness traps" to refer to our inclinations to hinge happiness to things like wealth, food, physical appearance, orderliness, etc.  I have to be rich, eat stuff,  be beautiful, or  keep my stuff just so to be happy. Often, the attainment of these circumstances lies beyond immediate control. Or, if we briefly arrive at our destination, we then must do something else to lift up happiness again,  So sustainable happiness is beyond our control. Happiness traps trip up happiness. You can find many other tools and techniques for improving emotional health in my new guide.

Thursday, November 5, 2015

Some small technical problems have delayed me from going live on Periscope.  Very sorry, but I will correct the problem quickly.  I need to upgrade my Iphone.  See you soon!

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

A lot of the tools and techniques I plan to talk about here and on Periscope are presented in a book I wrote entitled, Think Right, Feel Right.  You can find it on Amazon here

Sunday, October 18, 2015

The "Think Right, Feel Right" Guy will be going live with the how tos on Periscope

I am excited to start going live on Periscope.  Please join me there where we will be discussing cutting edge tools and advice for increasing  emotional resilience, personal happiness, and mental health.  Find out why taking just a few practical steps to improve your emotional growth affords the opportunity for more successful interpersonal relationships, parenting, and so much more. My handle on Periscope is FeelRightDoc