OK,
so what is an emotional rabbit-hole? Although they
can be difficult to describe or see ahead of time, you can usually
tell if you are in one! Here are some examples: You find
yourself in a prolonged state of conflict, worry,
resentment, shame, depression, anger, hurt or other emotional upset.
You feel disturbed; not a little bit, but a
lot. You don't want to feel this way, but you do, and you can't
seem to pull yourself out of it. Emotional rabbit-holes steal
happiness.
We
have all been there. We have gotten stuck over some situation:
an indignity, a rejection, a loss, a mistake we made. We
have become quite angry; sad, or hurt about something; or maybe
we feel like a failure. We keep circling around in our negative
thoughts and troubled feelings that we can't seem to chase away. We
are stuck in an emotional rabbit-hole.
When
we find ourselves in an emotional rabbit-hole, it is difficult to
sort and sooth feelings. Feeling bad is taken as proof that our
troubles are justified, "If I feel so bad, it is bad."
Trapped in this circular reasoning, we are unable to work our way out
to regain well-being. We must see what causes emotional rabbit-holes
to avoid them. Every emotion starts with an occasioning event
or trigger, then we think about it, and what we think produces
the emotional reaction. Our thought ... positive,
negative, or neutral ... determines how we will feel
emotionally. In the case of emotional rabbit-holes, the
thought is always negative. Persistent negative
thought is all that is needed to get stuck in an emotional
rabbit-hole.
What
can you do? First, take note of how you feel. Notice when
you are stuck in negative feelings. Second, remind yourself that you
have these negative feelings because you are thinking about a
situation in an emotionally troubling way. You continue to
replay thoughts which cause you to feel upset and stay stuck there.
Since you aren't getting paid by the hour to make yourself feel
bad, decide to put a halt to trouble-making thoughts promptly.
Resolve to think about your situation in a different way that quiets
and quells disturbance. Take charge of your thinking, and you will
master emotional-rabbit holes.
With my new CBT self-help guide, Think Right, Feel Right, you can develop these and other emotional tools my clients acquire to optimize emotional health and happiness.
With my new CBT self-help guide, Think Right, Feel Right, you can develop these and other emotional tools my clients acquire to optimize emotional health and happiness.
